WHATEVER PEOPLE SAY I AM, THATS WHAT I AM NOT. Inspired by a tweet

I'm AFRICAN, so I must have a dozen wives and live in the forest with wild animals
I'm KIKUYU, so I must be a thief
I'm from the COAST, so I must do drugs
I'm SOMALI, so I must be a pirate
I'm KAMBA, so I must wear a rainbow of colours and live in some dry part of Kenya
I don't DRINK or SMOKE, so I must be a big fat loser
I'm a shop owner in GARRISA, so I must be an illegal immigrant
I'm a LAWYER, so I must lie
I'm KISII, so I must own plantations of banana's
I'm RICH, so I must be doing something illegal
I'm POOR, so I must be making nothing of myself and live in a ghetto
I SMOKE and DRINK alot, so I must be a useless git
I'm a GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL, so I must be lazy and take bribes
I'm an M.P, so I must squander and steal public funds
I'm MAASAI, so I must wear a shuka, carry a rungu and a spear and support 'FGM'
I'm LUO, so I must eat fish a dozen times a week and support Gor Mahia F.C
I'm an ATHEIST, so I must advocate for evil
I'm a REGGEA FAN, so I must smoke weed and wear red, green and yellow
I'm KALENJIN, so I must run like hell, know 'Baba' on a personal level and support Ruto
I'm LUHYA, so I must have a homestead full of chickens
I'm a PROSTITUTE, so I must have an S.T.D
I'm a COP, so I must be trigger happy and harrass everyone I come across
I live in KAREN, so I must be a rich stuck-up snob
I'm a KENYAN-ITALIAN, so I must live in Malindi and deal drugs
I'm a MANCHESTER UNITED FAN, so I must be conceited and dislike other teams
I work along KOINANGE STREET, so I must be a prostitute
I'm WHITE, so I must be insanely rich
I don't hang with the COOL CROWD, so I must have no social life
I'm TANZANIAN, so I must have something against albinos
I'm in UNI, so I must have 'ponyokad na fresha' and have sex on a regular

Whatever you think or say I am, that is what I am not,
Don't judge.